{"title":"Gag Gifts","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe gift that gets a laugh, then actually gets used.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMost gag gifts have one job — land the joke, get a photo, end up in a drawer by February. Ours have two. Every candle here is hand-poured in small batches with a coconut soy wax blend, which means the person you're pranking is going to burn the whole thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat's the entire pitch. It's funny enough to give as a joke and good enough that they'll ask where you got it. Nobody has ever said that about a singing fish.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat to pick, by recipient\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCoworkers\u003c\/strong\u003e — anything in The Cubicle Collection. Office-safe, HR-adjacent, and painfully accurate.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRoommates and houseguests\u003c\/strong\u003e — The Throne Collection. Passive-aggressive and genuinely useful.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eYour dad or father-in-law\u003c\/strong\u003e — Old Balls. It writes itself.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe friend with no filter\u003c\/strong\u003e — The Climax Collection, and good luck.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWhite elephant and Secret Santa\u003c\/strong\u003e — the 3 oz travel size at $15 hits most exchange budgets.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"this-meeting-could-have-been-an-email-sea-minerals-candle","title":"This Meeting Could Have Been An Email - Sea Minerals","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThis Meeting Could Have Been An Email\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Sea Minerals\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eClean. Crisp. Completely unnecessary. This refreshing blend of sea breeze, soft florals, and a hint of salt smells like the productivity you \u003cem\u003ecould\u003c\/em\u003e have had if someone hadn’t hijacked your calendar. It’s light, airy, and ideal for clearing the stench of time you’ll never get back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCalendar invites with no agenda\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePassive-aggressive nodding\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLighting the moment someone says \"let's circle back\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-cubicle-collection\"\u003eThe Cubicle Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/coastal-candles\"\u003eCoastal\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42722443624490,"sku":"","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751114403882,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/cubicle-collection-this-meeting-could-have-been-an-email-11oz-sea-minerals.jpg?v=1787765705"},{"product_id":"not-my-problem-rain-water-candle","title":"Not My Problem - Rain Water","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNot My Problem\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Rain Water\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCool. Crisp. Unbothered. This clean, calming scent smells like a peaceful walk in the rain — far, far away from whatever mess someone else just made. It’s the equivalent of turning off your notifications and emotionally logging out.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSkipped meetings\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIgnored group chats\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGently backing away from other people's chaos\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-cubicle-collection\"\u003eThe Cubicle Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fresh-clean-candles\"\u003eFresh + Clean\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42723766239274,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751114338346,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/cubicle-collection-not-my-problem-11oz-rain-water.jpg?v=1787765661"},{"product_id":"congrats-on-doing-the-bare-minimum-spun-cotton-candle","title":"Congrats On Doing The Bare Minimum - Spun Cotton","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCongrats On Doing The Bare Minimum\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Spun Cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSoft. Subtle. Just barely enough — kind of like your work ethic. This airy, clean cotton blend smells like freshly folded laundry, even if your ambition never left the dryer. Light it up as a reward for showing up, logging in, and giving the exact minimum legally required.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCasual Fridays\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eParticipation trophies\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAnyone coasting gracefully on low expectations\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-cubicle-collection\"\u003eThe Cubicle Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fresh-clean-candles\"\u003eFresh + Clean\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42723862413354,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751114240042,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/cubicle-collection-congrats-on-doing-the-bare-minimum-11oz-spun-cotton.jpg?v=1787765458"},{"product_id":"i-fuck-on-the-first-date-sea-salt-orchid-candle","title":"I Fuck On The First Date - Sea Salt + Orchid","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI Fuck On The First Date\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Sea Salt + Orchid\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSoft? Sure. Subtle? Never. This seductive scent blends delicate orchid and warm sea salt in a smooth, sensual swirl that says “let’s skip the small talk.” It’s bold, intoxicating, and guaranteed to make an impression — just like you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSetting the mood\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eScaring off the emotionally unavailable\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLetting the room know you don’t do three-date rules\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-climax-collection\"\u003eThe Climax Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/coastal-candles\"\u003eCoastal\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":44746926194730,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44746926227498,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/climax-collection-i-fuck-on-the-first-date-11oz-sea-salt-_-orchid.jpg?v=1787767905"},{"product_id":"take-me-to-bed-or-lose-me-forever-beach-linen-candle","title":"Take Me To Bed Or Lose Me Forever - Beach Linen","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTake Me To Bed Or Lose Me Forever\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Beach Linen\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCrisp. Smooth. Dangerously seductive. This beach linen scent hits like a high-speed flyby and settles into your sheets with stealthy confidence. Clean cotton, sun-warmed skin, and just enough attitude to get you in trouble — the good kind. Light it up when you’re feeling flirty, bold, or ready to go below the hard deck… strictly against regulations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLate-night flybys\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRule-breaking romance\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAny mission that ends in tangled sheets\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-climax-collection\"\u003eThe Climax Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fresh-clean-candles\"\u003eFresh + Clean\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":44746907189290,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44746907222058,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/climax-collection-take-me-to-bed-or-lose-me-forever-11oz-beach-linen.jpg?v=1787767967"},{"product_id":"netflix-chill-rose-bouquet-candle","title":"Netflix + Chill - Rose Bouquet","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNetflix + Chill\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Rose Bouquet\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSoft lighting. Moody florals. Suspiciously good intentions. This seductive scent of deep rose sets the scene for whatever “chill” means tonight — whether it's a binge-worthy series or something that never makes it past the opening credits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDate nights\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHookup hints\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePretending to care about the plot\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-climax-collection\"\u003eThe Climax Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fresh-clean-candles\"\u003eFresh + Clean\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":44746901028906,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44746901061674,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/climax-collection-netflix-_-chill-11oz-rose-bouquet.jpg?v=1787768083"},{"product_id":"mexican-black-tar-heroin-black-raspberry-vanilla-candle","title":"Mexican Black Tar Heroin - Black Raspberry Vanilla","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMexican Black Tar Heroin\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Black Raspberry + Vanilla\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDangerously sweet. Addictively smooth. This candle hits with a juicy rush of black raspberry, drizzled in warm vanilla and wrapped in mystery. It’s seductive. It’s illegal in several group chats. And no, it doesn’t actually smell like heroin — but it will always leave you coming back for another hit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBad decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eQuiet nights with questionable company\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePretending your life is way more interesting than it is\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-og-collection\"\u003eThe OG Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fruity-candles\"\u003eFruity\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42723971072042,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113781290,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/og-collection-mexican-black-tar-heroin-11oz-black-raspberry-vanilla.jpg?v=1787767324"},{"product_id":"moist-panties-passionfruit-pineapple-candle","title":"Moist Panties - Passionfruit Pineapple","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMoist Panties\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Passionfruit + Pineapple\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTropical. Tangy. Dripping with implications. This fruity explosion hits hard with passionfruit and pineapple — bold enough to raise eyebrows, sweet enough to lower inhibitions. It doesn’t just smell good… it feels suggestive. Like a text you probably shouldn't have sent, but definitely don’t regret.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLate nights\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDate nights\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSending a text that starts with “you up?”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-og-collection\"\u003eThe OG Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fruity-candles\"\u003eFruity\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42723971792938,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113814058,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/og-collection-moist-panties-11oz-passionfruit-pineapple.jpg?v=1787767230"},{"product_id":"stripper-pole-black-cherry-merlot-candle","title":"Stripper Pole - Black Cherry Merlot","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eStripper Pole\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Black Cherry Merlot\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDeep. Juicy. Lightly scandalous. This bold, intoxicating blend of black cherry and merlot is the aromatic equivalent of fishnets, dollar bills, and a playlist full of early 2000's bangers. It doesn’t judge. It doesn’t apologize. It just smells like confidence, cash, and a questionable tattoo in cursive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePole dancing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eVIP rooms\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLighting when the rent is due and you gotta pay the bills\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-og-collection\"\u003eThe OG Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fruity-candles\"\u003eFruity\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42723971989546,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113879594,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/og-collection-stripper-pole-11oz-black-cherry-merlot.jpg?v=1787767191"},{"product_id":"old-balls-velvet-vanilla-candle","title":"Old Balls - Velvet Vanilla","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOld Balls\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Velvet Vanilla\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWarm. Wrinkled. Surprisingly comforting. This soft, nostalgic blend of rich vanilla and wisdom you didn’t ask for brings big grandpa energy in the best possible way. It’s sweet, familiar, and slightly inappropriate — just like the man it’s inspired by.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFather’s Day\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRetirement parties\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLighting during unsolicited life advice\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-og-collection\"\u003eThe OG Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/sweet-baked-candles\"\u003eSweet + Baked\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42723975692330,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113846826,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/og-collection-old-balls-11oz-velvet-vanilla_90b6981c-a845-4655-acad-4cf6800342b4.jpg?v=1787767142"},{"product_id":"i-cleaned-today-jk-lemon-verbena-candle","title":"I Cleaned Today. JK - Lemon Verbena","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI Cleaned Today. JK\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Lemon Verbena\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBright. Herbal. Deeply misleading. This fresh blend of lemon verbena and subtle greens makes your space \u003cem\u003esmell\u003c\/em\u003e like you’ve been scrubbing all afternoon… when in reality, you Febrezed the couch and hid everything in the oven.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnexpected guests\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFake cleaning\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSweeping it under the rug\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-culinary-collection\"\u003eThe Culinary Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fresh-clean-candles\"\u003eFresh + Clean\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42725655380010,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113388074,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/culinary-collection-i-just-cleaned-jk-11oz-lemon-verbena.jpg?v=1787765417"},{"product_id":"tart-as-tits-citrus-agave-candle","title":"Tart As Tits - Citrus Agave","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTart As Tits\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Citrus Agave\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eZesty. Juicy. Loud in all the right ways. This vibrant blend of orange peel, lemon zest, agave nectar, and mandarin is basically a fruit salad with a superiority complex. It’s bold, bright, and slightly unhinged — just like whoever named this candle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCitrus lovers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBrunch bitches\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSpicy group chats\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-culinary-collection\"\u003eThe Culinary Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fruity-candles\"\u003eFruity\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42725655543850,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113551914,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/culinary-collection-tart-as-tits-11oz-citrus-agave.jpg?v=1787765387"},{"product_id":"smile-youre-on-camera-eucalyptus-mint-candle","title":"Smile. You’re On Camera - Eucalyptus + Mint","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSmile. You’re On Camera\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Eucalyptus + Mint\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFresh, minty, and just judgmental enough. This crisp blend of peppermint and eucalyptus makes your bathroom smell like you’ve got your life together — even if the camera knows better. It’s cool, clean, and perfect for passive-aggressive accountability.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuest bathrooms\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePetty roommates\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAnyone who forgets to courtesy flush\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-throne-collection\"\u003eThe Throne Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fresh-clean-candles\"\u003eFresh + Clean\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42728925397034,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751112962090,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/throne-collection-smile-youre-on-camera-11oz-eucalyptus-_-mint_e5639e24-5ed1-48c9-9454-ea01e3db314e.jpg?v=1787765350"},{"product_id":"wash-your-fucking-hands-cucumber-water-melon-candle","title":"Wash Your Fucking Hands - Cucumber Water + Melon","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWash Your Fucking Hands\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Cucumber Water + Melon\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCrisp, clean, and aggressively hygienic. This candle doesn’t ask — it demands. Light it up and let fresh cucumber, juicy melon, and a splash of sass purify your space (and maybe your guests).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBathrooms\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHousewarming gifts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePassive-aggressive reminders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-throne-collection\"\u003eThe Throne Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fruity-candles\"\u003eFruity\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42728946204714,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113191466,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/throne-collection-wash-your-fucking-hands-11oz-cucumber-water-_-melon.jpg?v=1787763788"},{"product_id":"if-the-wick-is-lit-black-coral-moss-candle","title":"If The Wick Is Lit... I Just Took A Shit - Black Coral + Moss","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIf The Wick Is Lit... I Just Took A Shit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Black Coral + Moss\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBold, clean, and unapologetically necessary. This deep, fresh blend of black coral and moss isn’t here to be subtle — it’s here to cover your crimes. Light it up and let the room know exactly what just went down… with a touch of class.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBathrooms\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBad diets\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBrutally honest houseguests\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-throne-collection\"\u003eThe Throne Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/woods-green-candles\"\u003eWoods + Green\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42728965439530,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751112929322,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/throne-collection-if-the-wick-is-lit-i-just-took-a-shit-11oz-black-coral-_-moss.jpg?v=1787763757"},{"product_id":"fire-in-the-hole-cinnamon-candle","title":"Fire In The Hole - Cinnamon","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFire In The Hole\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Cinnamon\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWarning: this candle is spicy — and so was whatever just happened in the bathroom. A bold blast of warm cinnamon covers even the most explosive situations with sweet-smelling vengeance. Light at your own risk (or right after Taco Tuesday).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePost-blowout recovery\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGuest bathroom emergencies\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePretending everything is fine in there\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-throne-collection\"\u003eThe Throne Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/sweet-baked-candles\"\u003eSweet + Baked\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42729026486314,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751112765482,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/throne-collection-fire-in-the-hole-11oz-cinnamon.jpg?v=1787763614"},{"product_id":"what-would-you-say-you-do-here-beachwood-candle","title":"What Would You Say... You Do Here? - Beachwood","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhat Would You Say… You Do Here?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Beachwood\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSmells like a tropical getaway. Feels like you’re still behind on TPS reports. This beachy daydream in a jar brings the illusion of freedom to your fluorescent-lit hellscape — with notes of sun, salt, and the sweet scent of pretending you’re not dead inside.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIgnoring your inbox\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDodging your boss\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSurviving another day without punching a printer\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-cubicle-collection\"\u003eThe Cubicle Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/coastal-candles\"\u003eCoastal\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42729054502954,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751114534954,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/cubicle-collection-what-would-you-say-you-do-here-11oz-beachwood.jpg?v=1787763578"},{"product_id":"clean-enough-to-fuck-on-aquatic-element-candle","title":"Clean Enough To Fuck On - Aquatic Element","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eClean Enough To Fuck On\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Aquatic Element\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFresh. Wet. Barely sanitized. This crisp aquatic blend splashes your senses with cool ozone and water vibes — like your kitchen just passed a health inspection \u003cem\u003eby the skin of its teeth\u003c\/em\u003e. Smells like you wiped down the counters… but mostly because someone was coming over.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnexpected company\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eKitchen counter rendezvous\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eQuestionable decisions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-culinary-collection\"\u003eThe Culinary Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fresh-clean-candles\"\u003eFresh + Clean\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42748834218026,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113355306,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/culinary-collection-clean-enough-to-fuck-on-11oz-aquatic-element.jpg?v=1787763290"},{"product_id":"thyme-to-fuck-off-herb-garden-candle","title":"Thyme To Fuck Off - Herb Garden","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThyme To Fuck Off\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Herb Garden\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFresh. Herbal. Absolutely done with your shit. This garden-fresh blend of thyme, rosemary, and a hint of mint smells like a well-seasoned exit strategy. It's green, grounding, and gives just the right amount of \"please leave my kitchen and my life.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSolo cooking sessions\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIgnored boundaries\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSeasoning your vibe with a dash of hostility\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-culinary-collection\"\u003eThe Culinary Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/woods-green-candles\"\u003eWoods + Green\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42748836053034,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113584682,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/culinary-collection-thyme-to-fuck-off-11oz-herb-garden.jpg?v=1787763252"},{"product_id":"salty-little-bitch-salted-caramel-candle","title":"Salty Little Bitch - Salted Caramel","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSalty Little Bitch\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Salted Caramel\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSweet. Salty. Petty as hell. This dangerously addictive blend of rich caramel and sea salt delivers cozy dessert vibes with a bite. It’s like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket… made entirely of sarcasm and sugar.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGrudge baking\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFlirty roasts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLighting after someone says “don’t take it personally”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-culinary-collection\"\u003eThe Culinary Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/sweet-baked-candles\"\u003eSweet + Baked\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":42748838641706,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44751113519146,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/culinary-collection-salty-little-bitch-11oz-salted-caramel_23a7fbdc-b7ab-4276-a8b8-6ce7b3626cc3.jpg?v=1787763041"},{"product_id":"i-wanna-sex-you-up-black-sea-candle","title":"I Wanna Sex You Up - Black Sea","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI Wanna Sex You Up\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Black Sea\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDark. Smooth. Dangerously seductive. This deep aquatic blend of amber, plum, and ozone sets the mood like a slow jam from 1991 — with notes that linger long after the music fades. It’s rich, sensual, and a little dramatic… just like your favorite bad decision. Smells like foreplay. Sounds like a throwback. Ends in \"oops.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLate-night playlists\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBedroom flashbacks\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThe 1990's R\u0026amp;B fan in the streets and a freak in the sheets\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e3 oz Travel — approx. 20 hour burn time · Jar: 2.5\" tall × 2.5\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/the-climax-collection\"\u003eThe Climax Collection\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/coastal-candles\"\u003eCoastal\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":44746886512682,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3 oz Travel","offer_id":44746886545450,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/climax-collection-i-wanna-sex-you-up-11oz-black-sea_e8045613-0e44-46fa-a535-9aed2182b946.jpg?v=1787768008"},{"product_id":"unicorn-shit-cerealously-fruity-candle","title":"Unicorn Shit - Cerealously Fruity","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eUnicorn Shit\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eScent: Cerealously Fruity\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLimited edition — 46 hand-numbered candles. When they're gone, they're gone.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEver wonder what a unicorn's digestive aftermath smells like? Spoiler: it's not hay and regret — it's neon sugar rings and artificial joy. This candle captures the scent of childhood breakfasts, cartoon marathons, and questionable life choices. It’s absurd, it’s majestic, and it smells \u003cem\u003emagically delicious.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLight it up, breathe deep, and embrace the glittery chaos of a mythical bowel movement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003ePerfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePeople who believe in magic (and lactose intolerance)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBribing your inner child with nostalgia\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaking your bathroom smell like Saturday morning TV\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eInstagramming a candle called Unicorn Shit because obviously\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eThe Details\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHand-poured in small batches in Kansas\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCoconut soy wax blend\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOne pour only — 46 hand-numbered candles, never poured again\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e11 oz — approx. 55 hour burn time · Jar: 4.25\" tall × 3.375\" diameter\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eBurn Like An Adult\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst burn: let the wax pool reach the edge, about 2–3 hours. Trim the wick to 1\/4\" before every light. Never burn more than 4 hours at a time. Don't leave it unattended, and keep it away from kids, pets, and anything flammable — including your own poor judgment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003ePart of \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/limited-edition\"\u003eLimited Edition\u003c\/a\u003e · Also in \u003ca href=\"\/collections\/fruity-candles\"\u003eFruity\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Wit+Whiff","offers":[{"title":"11 oz","offer_id":44766321868842,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0659\/6555\/5754\/files\/limited-collection-unicorn-shit-11oz-cerealouslyfruity.jpg?v=1787763106"}],"url":"https:\/\/www.witandwhiff.com\/collections\/gag-gifts.oembed","provider":"Wit+Whiff","version":"1.0","type":"link"}